The story of another couple is even stranger. The husband is a huge fan of actor Vijay while the wife is so great a fan of Surya that she doesn’t consider any other actor as capable of acting! But, this trivial thing more often leads to heated arguments between them. They go to movies of their favorite hero without taking their spouse along with them! Give and take policy should start from smaller things like this, it is the basic lesson. If they fail in the very basics itself, then, how can their marriage succeed? The problem arises only when we expect the other person to change his/her taste to suit our own tastes. If all of us think and act on the same lines, then things will become monotonous. There’ll be only cloning effect! Everyone has got his/her own merits and demerits. The interest lies in this difference only. If Rajini is adored for his style, Kamal is adored for his acting. Shankar Mahadevan’s plus is his majestic voice whilst Karthik’s plus is his titillating voice. If M. S. Subbulakshmi’s “Kuraiyonrumillai …” brings tears into our eyes D. K. Pattammaal’s “Theeraatha vilaiyaattu pillai …” delights us. It is an art to enjoy and appreciate every individual’s merits without comparing with others.

Swapna complains that her mother-in-law is a chatter-box whilst her father-in-law is an angry man, never talking to anyone. She expects them to talk reasonably and limitedly. We always expect others to behave to suit our mind and liking. But we forget that they also would expect the same from us. But, that doesn’t mean that neither the man nor his wife needs to change their behavior. If the man feels anything wrong about his wife, he can surely tell her about the same at an appropriate time. But we cannot expect miracles to happen. Everyone needs time to change. And, in certain aspects, one cannot change totally; he/she can change only to some extent.

My husband loves to mingle with everyone including strangers. But, as per my nature, I mingle closely only with known people, I prefer some distance in the case of others. In my twenty years of marriage, I’ve learnt to mingle with people thanks to the impact of my husband and my own experiences. While purchasing saris, they say that the woman should check up whether her husband likes her selection and shouldn’t bother about the price. But, I always check up the price first and then only select. I am not able to change my frame of mind in this matter.

Both my husband and I respect the freedom of the other. We make genuine efforts to change ourselves according to our mutual expectation. This attitude is the secret of success for those who are worried over the negative traits of their spouse. A request to the newly married – do not try to evaluate or change the behavior and attitude of your spouse from the very next day of your marriage. Enjoy their plus points; you’ve enough time to change them. And, the same advice to mothers-in-law too - do not try to change your new daughter-in-law from the very minute she steps into your house. Give some consideration to the circumstances in her parents’ house under which she grew up all these years. You can capture your life!